


Plankbombing

by graestu



Category: Doctor Who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 05:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21440704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graestu/pseuds/graestu
Summary: Graham's joke leads to the TARDIS Plankbombing.
Kudos: 7





	Plankbombing

The Doctor, Graham, Yaz and Ryan gathered around the TARDIS console.

"Offering to take us _everywhere_ \- that's fine..." Graham began.

"But?" said The Doctor.

"But look at us," he continued. "Again, nothing wrong with that."

"I know! A perfect, diverse fam for the Millennium. Do people still say 'For The Millennium'?"

"No one says 'fam'," they all thought.

"Which means," Graham pointed out, "every time we go somewhere, at least one of us sticks out like a sore thumb. I mean, Ryan ain't exactly gagging to revisit Alabama. The Punjab's not crying out to have me back, and there's places where they'll burn you two as witches as soon as look at you. Getting onto scrapes is one thing - but some aggravations must be avoidable, surely."

"Hmm..." The Doctor considered, as Yaz and Ryan nodded.

"Just about the only place left," said Graham, realising he'd painted himself into a corner, "is... I dunno... Kingston upon Thames, one morning in 1967!"

"Fair enough," said The Doctor, setting the controls.

"No, Doc!" Graham protested. "Joke!"

"Well, we're here now."

A printer on the console whirred, and they each took one of the four street maps that popped out.

They found themselves parked next to a red telephone box alongside a main road.

"That's new," observed Yaz. "So something unexpected has happened already."

"Yes," said Ryan. "Why has the TARDIS changed? Hardly worth bothering, but it's a bit different."

"To match the current models and blend in," explained The Doctor. "There are still genuine police boxes about at this time, so if the TARDIS didn't look like one of those, it'd be noticeably obvious."

"And putting it next to a red phone box won't seem odd at all?" asked Graham.

"Anyway!" said The Doctor. "Let's split up! Like a proper adventure! Yaz, Ryan, that way; Me, Graham, that way." She handed a radio to Yaz. "The Sore Thumb Gang on its first mission! Allons-y!"

"Oh God, she's calling us that, now, is she?" muttered Ryan as he and Yaz wandered away.

And nothing happened.

There weren't any hippies running around with nothing on as documentaries about the time might suggest.

Ordinary people went about their ordinary day to day lives much as they always had done and still do.

Everyone kept to themselves.

Passers by passed by.

Normal daily life carried on uneventfully as it usually does without anyone noticing.

Then there was an urgent message on Yaz's radio.

_"Get to Malthouse Passage! Now!"_

Yaz and Ryan had already walked along that street, and hurried back. They had even been asked directions to it by a tourist who had spotted they were carrying maps. When they arrived, The Doctor and Graham were catching their breath.

But nothing was happening there, either.

"Several people asked us how to get here," said The Doctor. "We thought something must be going on."

It wasn't.

And after a while, and it continued not to, they decided to return to the TARDIS.

The TARDIS was on the opposite side of the road, but as they were about to cross, a man stopped them, with outstretched arms.

"This is it, Gang!" The Doctor hissed. "The alien stops us escaping!"

"I don't know what you're on about, but you can't cross right now," grumbled the man. "We're filming."

And at that moment, a black car raced by, with a man clinging to a bouncing plank of wood lodged in the roof rack.

"That's it," said the grumbling man. "You can go over now."

"What are you filming?" asked The Doctor.

"That was Roy Castle. Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper in the car. A scene 20 minutes into a film called The Plank."

Graham was open mouthed with shock as they crossed the road, and repeated the names of the stars.

"I met Tommy Cooper once," said The Doctor casually. "I interviewed him about our shared love of fezzes for my series telling the Entire History of Hats."

"So you could introduce us?" spluttered Graham, still stunned, as they arrived at the TARDIS.

"He probably wouldn't recognise me," smiled The Doctor, as they all went inside.

_[And I don't suppose Roy Castle would, either! And what a pity he was too preoccupied to wave as he went by!]_


End file.
